An Ode to Self Compassion {Poem}
Behold the willingness to be seen
A sacred healing prayer
That beckons the call and answer of Self acceptance and godly-bodily friendship
Invisibly cloaked with sacred compassion
Only my self loving summons the safety of a warm summer nights breeze against my skin,
the sweat born of heat from the burning out of old ways and phases gone by
Let the whole world see me naked
Naked with compassion
Everything is bare, bold and exposed
In truth
In to me see what only One knows is an ancient act of letting go
And yet I am not in control
I just bare witness
With all things to be as I sit and watch the carnival dance
Stillness sheds each sheath so my heart becomes a beam melting into the horizon
What is the True Self?
The often elusive true self is discussed in many spiritual traditions, personal growth books, yoga classes, and therapetic settings. But what the heck is it? And why does it seem like this impossible to reach concept?
I'm going to try and break this down as simple as possible..because I hear you! I use to be wondering the EXACT same thing.
The True Self is the place within you that is your wisest, most compassionate, clearest, and centered self. It is the REAL YOU.
Some basic facts about it:
Everyone has a True Self at their core (whether you experience it or not)
The TRUE SELF is not a destination, meaning it is a part of your BEING, however you may find that certain self care practices and life experiences bring you closer to experiencing it)
Undoing fears and blocks naturally will bring the True Self more to the forefront in your life, allowing it to be the COMPASSIONATE LEADER that makes the decisions for you.
All healing and recovery work helps us to illuminate the True Self, sometimes suddenly, oftentime gradually, in time
When you are not in true self, a PART of you is triggered. Some call this ego. It is like a cloud covering up the sun. PARTS include any fears, anger, guilt, depression, protective parts, manager parts (more on this in a separate post).
The True Self is WITHIN YOU (not outside of you) and it is INTERCONNECTED with the True Selves of others and connected to the greater universal wisdom
The True Self is a deep well and the more we listen to it's voice the more peaceful we feel
Experiencing the peace of the TRUE SELF does not mean we never experience pain or stress. It just means that we have a compassionate friend there to soothe us through life's challenges.
There are many ways to get closer to feeling the presence of your TRUE SELF, many of which are discussed on this site! If you are looking for support in doing this, do not hesitate to reach out. Ask for help, and get it ;)
What is Parts Work?
By popular request, I am taking some time to discuss the model of Internal Family Systems (IFS) or what I like to call Parts Work. I hope this article helps bring some more clarity to this life changing work.
IFS has actually been one of the most useful, practical, down to earth, and approachable techniques I have used for myself and with clients. It takes spiritual truths and practices that often can seem intangible and out of reach, and grounds them, right here in your own body and mind. Many of you know I am continuously inspired by the text of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). I have found that the principles of ACIM have often remained out of reach or even invalidating to the emotional experiences in my life until the approach of IFS came along. When I use them together, (along with other things like yoga and the 12 steps) spiritual truths become something that is tangible and real, something I can experience and take action on in my lives.
Internal Family Systems is a mode of therapy that was developed by Richard Schwartz intuitively as he discovered that his clients were experiencing and talking about different parts (or voices) that would adopt different roles in the person's life. The client would be able to step back and say, "a part of me felt this" and "another part of me felt that". For example, you may have a part of you that is very interested in reading more about this article, and another part of you that is more concerned with all of the things that it thinks you need to do next. Or, you may have a part of you that knows you always feel better after going to the gym, but another part that throws a tantrum and says, No! I don't want to go! Or even more deeply, you may have a tendency to feel hopeless about certain areas of your life, or feel like you are always anxious and worried. These feel like permanent states or conditions, but they are actually just "parts of you" that can be communicated with.
Schwartz found that he could assist his clients in directly talking to these parts or that he could talk to the parts directly and have conversations. Through this compassionate conversation, healing occurs. I once heard Schwartz say in a commentary on mindfulness practice, if a suffering being was sitting in front of you in real life, you wouldn't just sit there and stare at him like it often seems like we may be doing with our thoughts in a more traditional zen meditation. In real life, you may decide to talk to the person. You may do something for him.
This doesn't mean we are activating the "doing" mode that I often talk about in contrast to the "being" mode. This conversation is done from a place of being, or in other words, an open heart and a place of compassion. IFS helps us get to that place of open heartedness as well: if you're wondering "how do I support a part of myself with an open heart when I don't feel open enough in the first place." In my experience, traditional mindfulness and IFS meditation techniques go hand in hand. I am able to access my truest centeredness by incorporating BOTH.
I found a quote on my yogi tea last night that I think describes all spiritual practice as well as IFS perfectly, "Life is to Communicate". When we think of the word communication, we readily think of communication with another person. However, the communication we have with ourselves and the higher power or higher Self within us is the bedrock of this communication. They are one in the same. The way we communicate with the parts of ourselves is the same way we communicate with others. Some of the components of this communication are honesty, willingness, vulnerability, compassion, and acceptance. Therefore, as my longtime teacher/therapist Judy says, "It's all an inside job".
Like any model, IFS is a way of organizing and understanding knowledge that truly goes beyond words, however, I find that this model is one that actually assists you in going beyond the model. To me, that means it is a spiritual psychotherapy. It is a therapeutic style that does not keep you limited at one level of your own awareness. It helps you expand that awareness, deepening your healing and growth over time by solving problems from a different level than the original one that created them. This is also a model that can be used in a therapeutic setting and also in a non-therapeutic setting. Many people use IFS in a coaching setting or in business consultation. It is a powerful and compassionate model that is life changing no matter how it is used!
Stay tuned for part two where I will describe more about Internal Family Systems and how you can apply it in your life. I will share some pictures to help visualize the model as well as explain how an IFS meditation goes.
Let me know if you have any questions or comments about this too so I can put these answers into my next blog posts.
Do you want to fine tune your Inner Radar with crystal clear clarity for Love, Wealth + Freedom? My Free Start Up Guide Includes my 5 Star Process To Become the Intuitive Rockstar of your #5StarLife! This process transformed my life and is the foundation of everything I do in my life & biz! ⭐️🙌🏼👯♀️ And yes, it's all about the Parts we just discussed!!
Grab By Clicking on the Image Below!!
Why We Need to Remember Our Hearts
The heart is a symbol of connectedness, compassion, authenticity, and embodied living. I strongly believe that we all need a place where we can find safety, sanity, and understanding in a world that often appears otherwise.
At a very young age, we learn how to shield and protect our hearts. Some of us due to family experiences, trauma, dysfunction and messages, others due to school, cultural and societal messages, and some of us experience a closing due to all of the above.
This closing is a survival mechanism. And yet, what was once helpful in to make it through our past experiences prevents us from giving and experiencing love now in the present. This type of unconditional love that we are all craving is not something that we have to get or achieve.
It is already within us and as we remember our hearts, we start to gain access to this unlimited well of wisdom, light, and life that has been right here all along.
It is my believe that every human being on this planet suffers and struggles in some way, shape, or form, until they embark on a journey that guides them to reconnect with the inner teacher within.
If you are feeling depressed, chronically hopeless, anxiety, having panic attacks, suffering from an addiction to a person, place or thing, have difficulties with food, feelings of chronic emptiness, indecision, confusion, obsessive compulsive tendencies, numbness, or suffering from intense anger, know that these experiences are your doorway IN.
You can learn to live your life from a centered place, you can release the inner critic that perpetuates the shoulds and should nots of our lives, the relentless distraction, shaming, and worthlessnes and instead honor and live through the creative, curious, and compassionate TRUE SELF that is your birthright.
I only can share this because it is a journey I've been on for many years now. It keeps deepening, is finally reaping reward, and continues each and every day. Will you join me?
Restorative Yoga- A Foundational Practice for Trauma
This transformative style of yoga is a healing and rejuvenating practice for everyone.
From those experiencing everyday stress and anxiety to those who are going through more intense times, restorative yoga is powerful because it assists the body in switching from the sympathetic nervous system (the flight, fight, freeze, fawn response- FEAR) to the parasympathetic nervous system (the rest, relax, & digest response- CALM).
It is not only beneficial in relieving pain, suffering, physical illness, trauma and muscle tension, it also deepens emotional awareness and softens our inner critic. It promotes better sleep (an hour session is equal to 3 hours of deep sleep), increases immunity, and resets the digestive system.
You can practice restorative yoga at home, at a yoga studio, or even take private lessons or workshops. I offer a free restorative yoga e-class -here- that you can do right from your bed.
Restorative Yoga was really the first step for me on going deeper with my yoga practice. Even though I had been practicing yoga on and off for over 10 years, it wasn't until I took my first restorative yoga class that I gave myself permission to rest in a pose.
At the beginning, I had a lot of anger come up in the restorative poses. Sometimes, I wanted to run right off the mat and out of the studio because it was so uncomfortable.
While others around me would talk about how relaxed and blissful they felt, I would feel discomfort and pain.
However, I did notice that I would feel more in touch with myself and I had an inner knowing that I was allowing healing in every time I practiced.
Doing restorative yoga was where I started building from the ground up with releasing tension from my body.
Instead of forcing myself to release tension through quick paced classes that prevented me from feeling the sensations, following my breath and easily allowed me to distract from my own inner compass, I started to really slow down and listen to what I truly needed.
Interestingly, I recognized I wanted to take a yoga teacher training after taking these restorative yoga classes. Little did I know that I was going to have to slow down even more after the training because of all of the trauma that was coming up in my body.
Unfortunately, I was not able to verbalize what I was going through very much since there was not much space to talk about emotional growth in our training. I do feel this is a missed opportunity but so often I think this is left out in many places in our culture and world.
All I knew was that instead of wanting to teach yoga when I was finished with training, I felt like I could barely move because my body was so heavy. It felt like it was made of lead and the thought of yoga just made me want to cry. This is where my restorative yoga foundation truly benefited me.
After judging and criticizing myself for quite some time, questioning what was wrong with me for not being like all the other teachers, I started going to some Y12SR meetings. These meetings are for anyone who considers themselves to be in recovery and often attracts people from 12 step meetings of all kinds.
This became a safe place for me to share the feelings that were coming up in yoga and I noticed that just getting the feelings and being able to talk, trust, and feel was helping a shift. The movements in the class were very slow and gentle as well and it felt safe having a group of people and a teacher who has been in recovery to guide us.
After several months (and almost a year and a half after I finished my training), things clicked and I finally surrendered. I recognized that my body was trying to tell me something. I heard it saying...slow down.......just be here now.......start where you are. I heard it say, "this is coming up for a reason, you haven't been able to look at this for so long, now it's time."
So I did.
I remember how painful it was to just stand in a forward fold or to lift my leg a few inches. I really had to let go of my ego and feel humble in order to take out self judgment or question or blame myself for how "limited" my practice would seem to an outside observer.
Yet, I was gaining extreme benefit from moving so slowly. I was honoring the pain in my body and not rushing through it. I was letting go of needing to be a certain type of "yoga teacher" with a certain type of experience that had to look and do a poses a certain way. I dropped all of the identity and just was with myself.
And you know what happened? Over time I started to incorporate more movements. Did this mean all of the trauma and tension went away?
Quite the contrary. It actually brought more up. My tissues had remembered everything and were finally being listened to. Which led me into the hip and shoulder opening that I will leave for another post :)
Long-lasting Benefits of Restorative Yoga
What are the long lasting benefits of Restorative Yoga?
Healing within the body can only happen now. We live in a society where we feel guilty for being still, or if we take time to be still, we are usually doing something else. This prevents the body from properly resting if our attention is split onto many different things at once.
Restorative Yoga is a great way to feel supported in being still, when being still is not our natural go to.
Here is a list of things that Restorative Yoga helps with:
Restorative Yoga switches us from the sympathetic nervous system (fight, freeze, flight, fawn response) to the parasympathetic nervous system (rest, relax, and digest response) within 15 minutes.
Releases Trauma
Dissolves Muscle Tension
Increases awareness of fascia and connective tissue (the emotional membrane of the muscles)
Activates cerebro-spinal fluid which increases the flow of energy and information processed in the body.
Increases digestive functioning
Helps reduce bloat, acid reflux and digestive illnesses
Improves Sleeping Habits
Supports Emotional Awareness
Combats insomnia, restless sleep, and difficulty falling asleep by using one of the most powerful poses in yoga.
Supports Meditation Practice
Restorative yoga is a doorway into stillness for even the most restless person.
It Helps You Cope with Everyday Stress
75 minutes is equal to 4 hours of well rested SLEEP!
Creates feelings of warmth ,love and peace
Helps us get in touch with our inner loving parent and inner child
I hope this list inspires you to give Restorative Yoga a try! Feel free to check out my free online restorative yoga e-course -here-. You get to do it in your bed :D