I've been thinking a lot about how to bring more peace, joy and contentment into my life. Learning how to experience more fulfillment and connection to others too.
These are helpful thoughts to have right?
And I keep finding that connecting to myself FIRST is key. Also, finding ways to express myself, because this confidence in self expression IS what makes me feel alive.
This is not just creative expression, though that is super important for me! It is expressing my thoughts, feelings, desires...the good, the bad, the ugly.
For trying to hold onto the good without walking through the pain leads us into Spiritual bypass land, another detour into numbness that can often feel ungrounded, flighty, and fleeting .
For many, many years of my life I felt numb, disconnected and empty inside. Of course you wouldn't know it on the outside. I appeared to be high functioning, always with a smile on and successful.
Yet something felt terribly wrong. Not just something, many things actually. And I was literally dying inside. Like a flower wilted from lack of water and sunlight.
My joy was extinguished and what would appear like happiness would actually be excitement. This would send me on a roller coaster, crashing into disappointment, hopelessness, fear and shame when I would come down from that adrenaline.
Maybe you can relate to some or even all of this?
I didn't know what was "wrong" with me. I kept trying to figure it out. I kept trying to fix it on the outside.
Little did I know I was being led to discovering what was ailing me, but it felt like it took forever!
I begun to find out there was actually nothing wrong with me. Everything happening inside of me and the lack of feeling was just because I had never expressed my feelings before. I had kept them stuffed down for years.
And because of this my light had been snuffed out.
Or atleast it appeared to be.
I believe and have experienced that our light is never truly gone. It is just covered by layers (or parts) that served to protect us through unhealed loss and intense emotions.
What was I experiencing? It couldn't have come out of nowhere. And it didn't. But that's a story (many stories) for another time.
However, what I now know is twhat I was experiencing and what I still experience is Complicated PTSD.
I will continue to share more about this as time goes on. Because I am finding that I must honor my Self, my story and my healing journey in all areas of my life.
In addition, my main takeaway for today is that NO MATTER where you are at, what you are FEELING, and what you have been through, YOUR LIGHT is inside you right now.
And with willingness, patience, and a small sliver of an opening to ask for help, you will find that light will keep shining brighter.
It's not going to be easy despite the fact that the steps are simple.
Yet is is fully possible, 100% possible...to come alive.
To reignite yourself.
To unleash the fire and passion that makes you UNIQUE and who you are.
If I can experience it, there is no doubt in my mind, that it is possible for you too.
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