Category: Insights & Discoveries
Theme(s): Personal Journey, Professional Journey, Finding Joy, Being, The Evolution of Being an Artist
Those of you who have been following along consistently for awhile now have seen the evolution that my work has taken over the past several years. It's become a paint party!
Through my own recovery work, I have rediscovered (and am still continuing to do so) my Inner Artist and have found that this IS a vital aspect, if not THE FOUNDATION of who I am. As I've continued to let go of layers and protections day after day, year after year, I have found that my true joy is in the form of art and creating! Sharing these art forms and creations is a way to honor and express myself and it feels in line with everything that has been leading me up to this point. However, it is truly the gel that brings everything else together.
For many years I felt like something was missing when it came to my work and what I was teaching. I still lacked a true effortless joy and this translated to my message. I couldn't write. I couldn't stick to a consistent plan or intention. My mind changed many times about what it is I wished to offer in my business and how I wished to spend my personal days.
After spending a lot of time over these past years teaching workshops, classes courses and individual clients in my office about mindfulness, healing the wounded parts of ourselves and many other spiritual, psychological, emotional and physical principles, a little over a year ago I found myself needing to completely PAUSE and decline from all teaching and workshops.
While I maintained my private practice, I spent the rest of the time tuning into myself. It was a necessity. My body was being awakened after taking an intensive yoga training, committing myself to a 12 Step Program based on Emotional Sobriety & Action coming from Love and taking a leap into some areas of modern medicine that I had been resistant to.
As I truly listened, I recognized the pain that had been frozen under decades of muscle tension. Muscle fiber by muscle fiber was unfreezing itself and my body felt heavy, fatigued, exhausted and...on fire.
As I have mentioned to many, I spent each day starting to build myself from the ground up. I essentially needed to drop to the floor and give myself permission to start over. Letting go of the judgments and comparing myself to others and their own yoga practices, I could barely do a forward fold without feeling like I was going to cry.
All of the years of mindfulness practice had led me up to this point. The ability to be present with the sensation in my body without judgment and with an understanding that this pain was emotional.
This went on for days and months and is still continuing. Yet, one of the awakenings that surfaced during this time was my explosion of artistic energy that started last July and has continued since.
I'm sure I will go into more detail about this, but for now, I just want to share that this was something completely unexpected and unplanned. Yet, at the same time, feels like it makes the most sense in the world to me! I have been told by several friends that my soul as an Artist was quite obvious. And yes, I was a little artist growing up (more on my creative wounding later). However, it is the true freedom, self expression and journey into paint and then shortly thereafter, abstraction and expressionism that made me realize that my essence is that of a painter.
I have found that art & creativity is the vessel through which my highest power and inner messenger can teach. It is a way for me to tangibly work with my intuition, loving parental voice, inner child's curiosity and joy and learn how to understand my inner critic. It is a place where my mind quiets and calms. It is a place where I look forward to playing in most days, in both my personal and professional work. It has also been another thread that has helped me really connect with my community as well as with people who have already been in my life.
While I enjoy words and I'd even call myself a writer, I find that art, color, form and movement (to name a few inspirations) are able to say things in a deeper way that words just don't do justice. There is an inner communication going on between heart and hand, hand and body, nervous system and energy that goes beyond words, that speaks through me in impressions. Which makes sense, considering we are beings first and language second!
So after spending much of the time painting away in my living room at my previous apartment, I am now moved in with my boyfriend. Since January, I have a dedicated space and art studio just for me.
Lot's of works in progress that each represent my emotional and healing journey as well as my liberation into a joy!
Some artists never decide to sell their work and others feel called to do so. While I have received several requests for larger paintings, that is currently a venture I am exploring on my own. I am sharing my process on Instagram and will be doing so here as well. Currently, I find myself called to specifically share my paintings from a year ago when I created hundreds of works on paper. There are well over 30 high quality soulscapes (seems like a good work for my magical & colorful little worlds) and you can find them in my shop for an affordable price on beautiful watercolor paper. They are meant to be shared in hopes that they will speak to your soul and maybe cause some ripples and stirrings of your very own spark within. If you haven't checked out my gallery/shop, I am very proud of my little creations. I also am offering 15% off for those of you who want to make a first time purchase.
Feel free to share any comments below! I love hearing from you. xo Jen