How I Realized I Was Painting Parts of Me

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It's been a healing time and a blessing to share my art these days. 

I've been fortunate enough to be able to share these therapeutic art practices with clients as well, many of whom were skeptical at first to even go to this nonverbal place and now they are creating pictures every week!

There is a large epidemic of creative wounding in our culture so when we are asked to draw, paint, or create, there may be parts of us that want to shut down. Interestingly, art and creativity can be the very thing that help us to open up more!

I have been creating several bodies of work, one of which has hundreds of little paintings that I just felt compelled to keep creating...and I still do.

The above mandalas (Mandala means Sacred Circle in sanskrit) are just some of the many circular forms I have been captivated by for over the past 5 months. I see each mandala as a mini world. Sometimes they look like moons or planets.

 But what stands out to me the most is their organic nature. How when I use the inks and water, they each become unique and expressive. How each image has so much movement even though they are in two dimensional form.

I realized something more deep and meaningful was going on here after laying out all the pieces. They are like a gigantic tapestry of my life and all of the experience I have had to heal from. 

After really sitting with the feelings of familiarity, adoration, fascination, and attraction to these little minis, I have realized that they are mini me's.

Each one represents a wound I have experienced. When each wound comes through artistically to be expressed, the finished piece often represents their healing. Sometimes the very act of painting them finalizes the Healing. Some show that they are still in the healing process.

Once I shared with my boyfriend about the meaning behind these paintings, he told me he became sad because he was visualizing my child self looking like a slice of swiss cheese.

All these holes where the daggers that had poked and prodded and penetrated my vulnerable child skin. I feel emotional too when I contemplate this work, a deep grief when I think back through my journey.

However, simultaneously, now I feel deep gratitude. Gratitude that I can feel. Gratitude that I have climbed mountains and hurdles that I never thought I would.

Gratitude that healing is possible.

Gratitude that I went from a hole to a box to a place unknown, until I finally could see a horizon line. Many times over.

That now I am not only seeing a horizon line...I am being offered long stretches and moments to sit back and bask in the sunrise.

That's what's so powerful about the mandala. The circular nature just breathes movement, the cycle of life, and connection.

Which is also similar to the model of Internal Family Systems which I use that says we each have True Self and we each have parts that have become disconnected from our Self.

When we can give these parts attention, they start orbiting harmoniously within our internal system receiving the love of our Inner True Self (the bindu/center point) of our being. 

Just like the celestial bodies that inhabit our universe, these paintings portray the parts of me that exist in my personal universe, my internal system and each one has own it's image, thoughts, and experiences. 

If you would like to get to know your parts better, I am releasing a new Expressive Art Journaling course at the end of this month that will specifically address the topic of releasing relationship wounds. 

The beginning of a new year is a great time to deepen our mindfulness and compassion of any past hurts and resentments we may be holding onto (family, romantic, work, friendship etc.)

Writing and simple art practices will be used to deepen the release by connecting mind with body. Beginners and people who deem themselves are "non-artists" are encouraged to join*!

(*Not only do I think everyone has a creator within, these are not technical practices. They are journaling practices to help assist you with witnessing the parts of yourself that need attention.)

Click here for the free signup!

Some examples of the Many Parts of Me

Some examples of the Many Parts of Me