I 've always been a creative person and there is this deep calling within me to share what I create and to use it as a vessel to inspire and help people. And with the Internet, there is potential to not only reach people, but to really express myself through the design, feel, and content of my website.
This leads me to an epiphany I had as I reflect back on the different websites I've created while I work on this new one. At the beginning of my business, I had this expectation that all the ideas I had would translate in the exact timing that I was expecting....FAST!
And this underlying belief had me looking for and absorbing information from other entrepreneurs that were hard selling how to get things done quickly and get a specific outcome. I might add here that this belief has shown up in many areas of my life: relationships, my own therapy, resolving conflicts and releasing resentments, my creative process..the list goes on and on.
One of the pieces of advice was to just get out there. Quit waiting until everything is perfect and just put yourself out there.
As I look back, this advice makes sense in the journey I took when it comes to starting my therapy practice. I didn't need a perfect website or a ton of content to start seeing clients. However, I've realized that when it comes to creating online, I've always had a deep desire for wholeness, creativity, fluidity, and rich content and it clicked for me recently this website IS my creation and it is an art form for me. And just like any art form, we don't necessarily give ourselves away and put it all out there before the process is complete.
I realize that is what I had been doing. Sending things out into the world when I was fumbling and feeling vulnerable, unfinished.
And this doesn't mean there haven't been moments where I've felt truly inspired and excited what I'm putting out there. It just means that the consistent inner knowing of my True Self has still been waiting to shine through and it's actually saying something quite different that much of the advice given.
Keep this for yourself Right Now
This is a love affair between you and your art
Create this for you and let everything else fall into place.
The words whisper. Even if it's for this one moment, even in the next moment my right and inspired action is to share, keep this until I've savored it and received the gift that this art is.
And this nourishes me! Keeping this a secret doesn't mean I'm not sharing pieces of the process, but there's something so fulfilling to me in just creating without needing anyone to see and letting this process unfold in the right time.
As synchronicity would have it, I listened to one of Elizabeth Gilbert's podcasts in her channel Big Magic the other day that was emphasizing this same thing. She was talking to an art teacher/ grandmother/ wife/ mom who was helping everyone else and couldn't find the time to make art for herself anymore. She felt drained of lifeforce. Elizabeth suggested that she start a secret affair with her art and keep it to herself, sneaking away whenever she could, to be with the art process and let her wild unadulterated self be unleashed.
Now this is the advice of an artist and as im coming through my own healing journey I'm recognizing that I'm an artist first. I have to honor that. You may have a different process..listen to that!
But for those of us that have been teachers/helpers/fixers/caretakers, we've given too much of ourselves too soon for too long. Savor something for you. Fill up your own well. Develop that relationship between you and you, that wise self that is just waiting to spend time with you. You might not know what this means yet, but you will, and the first step is giving yourself that attention and intimacy and privacy that you'd want to cultivate in any other relationship.
There's something kind of exciting about writing this note today, with the possibility that someone else will read it at a future date, after I've offered it as a gift to the world.